I have been getting an inordinate number of revision requests recently in my job. That means that the articles I have submitted have been deemed unsatisfactory in some way. When you get a revision request, it pops up with a brief description of what needs to be changed along with the name of the editor who is requesting the revision.

Recently, I have been getting revision requests from an editor named “Liz”, and “Liz” is apparently a fucking illiterate moron. Numerous times now I have gotten revision requests for problems that did not exist. “Revise the sentence fragment in paragraph two”, she says. There is no fucking sentence fragment in paragraph two. I know because I’ve just checked forty-seven times and Googled “sentence fragment” just in case there’s some weird esoteric meaning of the term. There isn’t, and you’re a fuckwit, Liz.

“Please fix the unclear sentences in the first paragraph”, she says. What are you, fucking five? Can’t handle a sentence with more than six words? Do you lie awake at night worrying about coping with those dreaded sub-clauses? There is nothing “unclear” about anything in the first paragraph. You just can’t fucking read.

Mostly I’m pissed off by the image of her I have now inadvertently formed in my head. I imagine her sitting there, all superior and powerful in her new “editor” job, managing to look down her nose at the screen and saying ”No no no no no, tut tut tut, that’s unclear!”

Fuck off, Liz.