All we emotionally challenging people have triggers — the one in the title is an egregious example. When someone pulls a trigger of ours we’re likely not only to feel bubbling up inside us some very unpleasant emotions linked to our past but also a seething fury at the inconsiderate person who pulled it. It’s not only “I feel like this again” but “How dare you make me feel like this again!?”.

Avoiding triggers is a self-preservation mechanism. It’s just not possible to cope if you’re constantly being reminded of something unpleasant. It’s like having someone following you around picking at a wound that would otherwise be slowly healing. And, to counter the obvious retort, not only am I not convinced that confronting emotions directly is always best, I also suspect that the kind of person who thinks themselves an expert on other people’s feelings almost definitively cannot have had those feelings themselves and is blissfully unaware of the sheer horror of the Balrog they are about to awaken in the dark.

All this does have a side effect on one’s personality. These last few days I find myself in my best mood in months and mostly incapable of being thrown off course even by the odd flick of a trigger, and right now I want nothing to do with anyone who isn’t in similarly good spirits. This is only going to get more pronounced as time goes by. Misery is not notable in loving company; all emotions do. This makes a recovering depressive the worst person to help someone who’s in the pits, not the best; when you’ve been there and moved past it your main feeling is a visceral revulsion to any hint of the stupid, whiny, puerile, self-obsessed and oversensitive load of fetid bollocks you recognise as the faecal lake from which you came.

Right now, as I continue to skirt around the odd trigger left over from a depressive past, all I want is to be able to have a good time with friends and not come up against the same old bollocks. In time, the triggers will wane and become less severe — they’re already on their way — and this is best helped by ignoring them and just trying to enjoy life and friends.